Rules of Engagement: Female’s Guide to Homecoming

*this post has been slightly altered from it’s original version*

You requested it. After all, it only makes sense. There was such an overwhelmingly positive response to Bryce, Scoop, and 2.0’s Rules of Engagement: Male’s Guide to Homecoming that a female’s perspective was sure to follow. We received positive comments, re-postings, mentions in Facebook statuses, and even trended on twitter last weekend. So at this week’s end we decided to give you the other side of the coin, the other half of the dance floor, the female. Enjoy!


by Bridget Bland

One of the best parts about being a Spelman woman is, undoubtedly, knowing him. These days, he’s all brand-new. Acting out and dating the furthest thing from you.

Without going into detail on exactly who he’s with, one thing is certain – you know him. That’s the easiest part. You peeped him before he pledged that frat or got with “the” girlfriend. Or even better, you never met him a day in your life, but you know him. You might’ve had a one night stand with him after a drunken night in Buckhead. However you describe what the “situationship” is, that’s the advantage. You know that no matter if he’s “moved on” to someone new. You always hold a special place in his heart. That being said, Homecoming, for the single lady, must be strategic.

First, you cannot, and I repeat cannot, go to Homecoming without your girls. This is an integral part to Homecoming fun. You have chit chat with the girls on the happenings and all that’s transpired since your last HC. Who’s lost the most weight and started wearing make-up and the guys who still look amazing, are par for the course, but ultimately, having your girls will give you perspective on people who you don’t know. If you’re too busy catching up with your freshman roomie or prophyte at tailgate, but your girl sees a cutie, trust she is letting you know. If you can go with your taken friends and the one who you gossip with the most, they will be more inclined to fix you up with whatever fine brotha they see walk by and if he is really fine they certainly won’t try and holler because they are being the most discrete about every man they talk to so that it doesn’t get back to their man that they were acting up. Finally, having your girls with you helps when you get to ‘Let me entertain’ status because they can play interference.

We all know there are double standards and your method for attracting the attention of that dude has to be carefully planned. Start with your first meet-up. Don’t run the risk of running into him at a place that you can’t wow him. Come on, you know where he will be. Friday there are only a few places folks in your circle will be. So for the first night, you want to be subtly memorable.

Don’t go in there in rocking your fresh off the plane gear. Try a skirt and boots or an American Apparel white t-shirt or even jeans, remember a man always notices a bangin’ pair of Givenchy, Manolo’s or Lou’s. Your hair will be whipped and you will, no doubt, exude that ‘Oh, hey, so good seeing you…I had no clue you’d be here’ whimsical attitude. It’s only going to make him think about you more. Keep the convo brief and tell him, ‘Hope to see you later this weekend.’ Walk away fast!

More than likely, the single lady has not been to Homecoming in a while. This only makes you more attractive and if he’s still looking like junior year, spring semester, it’s making him look more attractive, too. He’s been coming back to HC every year and has grown tired of seeing the same faces and dancing with the same girls. He’s looking to reconnect with someone who reminds him of college. That’s you.

bridgeSo, no matter how wet your panties are, keep it moving night one and make him wait it out. The next day is a little different. Of course, you will bob and weave through tents at tailgate grabbing chicken from the Sigma tent and a red cup from Pi, but you’ll also diversify your portfolio where the men are concerned. By no means should ‘ol’ boy’ be the only man on your ‘Let me entertain’ agenda.

Chat it up with cuties you haven’t seen before at Tailgate. They could be older or younger; this is an easy time to do it. Step out of your comfort zone and just ask every cute male what party they are going to later that night. It’s so easy. That one question not only makes you seem fun, available and interested, but just in case your ol’ boy is on some bull or taken or just not that in to you after all these years, you have options.

Oh and don’t go too hard at tailgate. That’s a sure way to ruin your weekend. You go too hard on the juice and you’ll pass out on your homegirl’s futon or on your hotel room and wake up on Sunday morning. Pace yourself for Saturday.

You should absolutely hit up two parties. This doesn’t include an early dinner to coat your stomach and a fly, happy hour. Who wants to be sober arriving to the party? Try to get to the bangin’ party late and wear your ‘fit. You know the one. No explanation necessary.

But ladies please don’t have an ‘I’m trying to nail a husband’ agenda. No Morehouse man taken or single is thinking about wifin’ a chick at Homecoming. Trust. Keep things light. Have an open mind and just know that you know him and that puts you, the single lady, in control to win.

by Tu:)

You my dear, are dope. Yeah, that’s right they’re bringing back words from the 90’s for you because you are just that fly. All year you have been working your ass off at school or a job, hitting the gym regularly, doing your own thing, still keeping up with your Spelman Sisters and/or Soror’s, but at the same time just doing you. You’re not in ATL once a month, you aren’t chilling in NY or DC with the Spelhouse crowd every weekend, you’re handling yours so that when it’s time to show up and be present you can do it in style. And by style I’m not just talking the dresses you’ll wear or the shoes you’re rocking , but from your hair down to your slightly underfed and over worked body you are ready to shine.

Now, some may say you are getting ready for the hunt, but anyone woman who’s been there knows you are just preparing yourself to be hunted.

If you wear it, move it, flip it…they will come. You are ready for Homecoming because this is your stage, men are waiting to see what you will or won’t wear and your girls are making plans for the pregame and after parties because you WILL be getting it in. You didn’t drop part of your savings on some new dresses, a plane ticket, shoes, 2 parties and a brunch to just sit around and see what happens. You are not “the single girl” getting to parties early, looking for a man to buy you a drink or making sure you talk to that guy, you are making sure that whoever the guy may be that he, or they want to talk to you.

So first things first, before you even get on that plane or ask your girl for a ride to the airport make sure you have your mind right. We all know that as much as you love a Morehouse man there is way too much going on in life to try and be booed up with someone thousands of miles away, I know you know this but we all need a little reminder now and then. Secondly, we know you like to make a statement, so plan it out, know what you’re wearing each day/night, leave no margin for error, this just isn’t the time.

The best part about the hunted is that she does in fact have options at home, she loves homecoming for the challenge, for the grandiose of it all, the excitement, the drinking and the shock on their faces when they see how much she continues to get better with age.

When you arrive, make sure you know exactly where you are going, staying, and drinking, this trip is just a few days and you need to make the most of it. Make sure your girls who got there earlier have already bought some bottles, have the hotel/house ready and are down to make this weekend count. Remember this is a marathon not a sprint, love. You will be drinking and partying in excess, yes, but remember to pace yourself, you don’t want to be passed out at 9:30pm after tailgate and miss the last party of the weekend, or get so drunk Friday night that Saturday morning and afternoon are a hell of your own making. You’re in your mid-twenties now, we all know you don’t bounce back like you used to in the good ole’ days of LaTex and party shuttles, so, drink some water before bed and try and recover with some grace.

Let your girl’s know the deal. “If you see me talking to him, come over and tell me you need me”, or “If you see me talking to him, well, don’t call if I disappear, I’ll find my way home.” Make sure they know what your bottom line is, whether it’s a good ATL hook up, an old fashioned Homecoming make out session or a damn, that was worth it, though I question my morals, kind of night, be sure your girl’s know where to step in.

You know everyone and no one. Yeah you’ve seen him around, and you know who he is, but you weren’t the same year, you only have a few mutual friends and before now, this very Homecoming, you didn’t have a real reason to know him. But you can be sure he knows you, or wants to. Stick to that, no reason to look desperate. This is, after all, a holiday for you.

Best advice: continue to do you. That’s why you’re hunted. You’re not worried about if you’ll meet a man, who it will be, if he will like you, your focus is fun, partying and whatever else falls into your lap…It’s not that you need a win, you’re just used to winning and everyone likes to do things they are good at. So keep winning, love, and make it count. Happy Homecoming ladies….have a shot for me.

You will win. Mostly because you know how to and there are plenty of “Hunters” out there looking for a win themselves.

THE ATTACHED (a chose your own adventure tale)
by Candice Crowell

You are confident in the knowledge of three things: you look just as good, or better, than you did in college, you are winning professionally (or in school about to win), and the man you’re attached to is someone special.
If you’re bringing him to Homecoming, read Bringing Beau. If you’re leaving him home, read Leaving Love Behind.

Bringing Beaux

He’s special enough that you’re bringing him to Homecoming. If he’s a Morehouse Man, he should be an upgrade from anyone else you dated while there. Your moves are strategic because you’re already living the good life: let these sisters know you’re styling on them and make sure the brothers remember why they hollered, dated, or proposed marriage to you in undergrad.

You are going to rock the fresh press, perm, or palm roll and dresses that are unfortunately too tight for the sisters who have already gotten married and “comfortable” with their weight. Your style is you 2009, not a character you’re playing for the weekend.

You recognize that the guys you rejected have something to prove when they see you. Be cordial and let them know you’re proud to hear they’re doing well. It will boost their egos. And at least one person you dated is married, so you want to offer a sincere congrats because a) he’s found someone who is truly his complement, b) you are glad you realized it wasn’t for you, and c) you look better than his wife. It shouldn’t matter, but it does. Icing on your cake if your man is cooler too.
But, there’s always that one who got away (TOWGA). In reflection, you know it would have never worked between you, but the idea of him can still, occasionally, make you smile. If your man is a Morehouse Man, you leave him at the bar with his boys or bruhs to be sure you go give TOWGA a hug one second longer than you should. You laugh and catch up briefly, but not too long. Remember, you got away from him too, and the idea, the mystery, is what you want to leave him with.

Leaving Love Behind : If you want to chance it with the one who got away, read The Risk. If you want to remain faithful, read The Righteous.

The Risk
After you hug TOWGA for the extra second, you feel more chemistry than you intended to. You love your man, but eff it, it’s Homecoming and you want to take a chance on an adventure you will take to your grave. Now this won’t work if your man is a MH man because TOWGA knows someone who knows your man. You do NOT want the drama. But if your man wasn’t privileged enough to attend MH, and TOWGA was, you can go for it…carefully.

What you won’t do is be obvious about the number exchange. You will tell him, while still in embrace, that you are attending Black Love V – Intimacy and he should find you for a dance. When he does, and he will because you look stunning at the happy hour in the aforementioned sexy dress, you dance in a discreet spot not too close to the dance floor to “Under” by Pleasure P, or whatever song mixes well with your Amaretto Sour.

tachWhen the party is ending, you be direct. Ask him if he’d like to meet you at your hotel (TI, I’m Serious album). Slide him the extra key, but leave quickly after the party to freshen up. Be in the red one-piece and pumps when he opens the door. Rock his world until it’s tailgate time, then swear each other to secrecy. You can never, and I repeat, never do it again, so enjoy the hell out of it and of course you already know to wrap it up.

The Righteous
After you hug TOWGA, you walk away. You look back, smile, and wave. The mystery is usually more enticing than the man, and you don’t have a need for anything more. You’re happy. You set it owt with the Sorors and Bruhs, reminisce over brunch with your crew, and text your honey every once in a while to let him know that you’re thinking of him.


4 Responses to “Rules of Engagement: Female’s Guide to Homecoming”

  1. 1 @trgriff
    October 9, 2009 at 11:50 am

    i actually think the rule can be more simply summarized and translates across relationship status’. never show your deck.

  2. October 9, 2009 at 1:01 pm

    If you with your man at homecoming how you going to bring the TOGAW to your hotel room? Isnt your man there? MY GOD!

    You go to his room, car, bathroom in the spot… something. This might get someone killed.

  3. October 9, 2009 at 4:13 pm

    Well done. I’ll miss you all this year, but I wish you happy hunting.

  4. 4 MicheleNicole
    October 9, 2009 at 8:50 pm

    Love this post…thanks for putting me in perspective lol. Couldn’t agree more w/ @trgriff

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