There are two doors, one leads to Heaven and the other leads to Hell. One creature is in front of the two doors, and as you approach, you have no idea if the creature is an angel or a demon. However, you do know that an angel will always tell the truth and a demon will always tell a lie. Not knowing which door leads to Heaven and which one leads to Hell, with only one question to ask, you have to determine which door leads where. What one question will you ask?
Archive for December 28th, 2010
My mother was the mother who kept a brown crayon in the middle drawer (pronounced DRAW). You know which drawer I am talking about, the one with the ribbon, the 9 volt batteries, the masking tape, the scotch tape, and a ketchup packet or two. This brown crayon [that was worn down almost to the point where you'd end up scratching the paper as much as coloring it] was used for greeting cards. See, when I was a child there were no Mahogany cards or Ebony/Jet cards with Brown faces on the front. So we colored them in. My mother’s insistance upon this was so unwavering that when I was cast as Professor Harold Hill in Meredith Wilson’s “The Music Man” she bought a fabric pen to fill in the face on the poster. She said, “The Music Man is brown this year, the posters should reflect it.”
With that kind of cultural awareness as the backdrop, it shouldn’t be hard to imagine that come Christmas time, my mother, a 2.0 herself, unloads bins and bins full of Christmas Santa Clauses that have been filled in with crayons and fabric pens. I joked on Facebook and Twitter recently that my mother’s Black Santa Claus collection could beat yours, but I was actually serious. I mean, not only can Ruby’s collection beat your mother’s sorry little porcelain Black Santa in the bathroom, but she could probably take on the collection of all of the mothers in your church or your Jack n Jill. Chhhhaaaaaaallllllluuuuuunnnnnnggggggeeeeeee!
Pictured are some quick iPhone photos of just some of the Black Santa Clauses that my mother has. If you want to see the full collection, just drop by the house. She’ll have them up until Valentine’s Day. Dead Serious.